It’s been 12 years since my first post for my blog The Introverts’ Corner went live. Perhaps you’ve seen the “Introverts Unite” meme that makes the rounds periodically. Well, I’m just petty enough to point out that I said it first in my first post, “Introverts Unite, Quietly,” on August 26, 2009.
When I started the blog, few people were writing about introversion; even Susan Cain’s blockbuster book Quiet was years away, as was my book The Introvert's Way. Today scores of professional introverts are out there expounding on our quiet nature. The introvert-positive movement has matured.
In truth, I’m not sure I have anything new to say about introversion at this point, so I decided it’s time to wind things in the Introverts’ Corner. While the blog will remain up and I may add to it from time to time, I will be starting a new blog on Psychology Today exploring the most cataclysmic event of my life: being widowed.
Before the shut the blog down, I decided to revisit some of the most popular posts of the past dozen years, a sort of primer on life in the Introverts’ Corner.
What is introversion?
Many of us find that we must still explain to people that introversion is not the same as shyness—you can be shy and not an introvert and you can be an introvert and not shy. Understanding this difference is important as I discussed with researcher Jonathan Cheek in "All Introversion Is Not the Same" and with Louis A. Schmidt in “Introversion vs. Shyness: The Discussion Continues." Introversion is also not the same thing as social anxiety, although I theorize that introverts may develop social anxiety because we so often go into social situations believing that we must behave in a way counter to our nature. So I interviewed psychologist Ellen Hendriksen for “Four Strategies to Help Conquer Social Anxiety.”
To people or not to people
Introversion is also not misanthropy. Most of us don’t hate people. In fact, “I Like People, Just Not All of Them All the Time.” I firmly believe that people need people; I certainly do, and in “Why Introverts Don’t Always Want to Be Alone” I wrote about my favorite ways to socialize. Remember: Being introverted in no ways insulates us from loneliness. In a way, it can make us more susceptible, as I discussed in “Introverts and the Loneliness Loop.” Besides, if you sequester yourself from others, you have to ask yourself: “Will People Be There for You When You Need Them?” Of course, meeting new people to make friends isn’t always easy, especially when you prefer not to leave the house, so I polled readers for ideas in “Survey Says: How to Meet New People.”
Then there are parties…
A lot of introverts would be perfectly happy to never attend another party in their lives. And that’s fine. Parties are supposed to be fun and for that reason, they are entirely optional. (Although my friendship philosophy includes the credo “Friends attend friends’ parties.”) I don’t mind parties within reason, but I like them more when I hew to these “Party Survival Tactics for Introverts.” And while yes, a drink or two can help me loosen up for a party, introverts can be at risk for overindulging in order to party the way society claims we should. I consulted two experts for “Introverts and Parties: Just Add Alcohol?”
When you need to not people
You don’t actually owe anyone an explanation of your introvert needs, but sometimes it can help smooth the way when you need quiet time. I have suggestions in “What to Say When You Need Some Alone Time.” And it can’t hurt to let them know how not-fun you will be if you don’t get the downtime you need; send them “When Introverts Get Overextended."
Staying in touch
Realizing that loathing the telephone is not the moral failing some would imply and that many introverts share the horror is one of the most satisfying epiphanies for people learning about their own introversion. (I know it was for me.) It seems the rest of the world is coming around to our way of thinking—research finds that these days, phones are mostly used for everything but making phone calls. “Don’t Call Us, We’ll Call You…Well, No, Actually We Won’t” has been one of the most popular posts on this blog. How better to stay in touch? I used to be very email-y, but these days, I’m all about texting and explain why in "In Defense of Texting." And the disclaimer: I prefer face-to-face to any of these other forms of communication.
Speaking of relationships
I’ve written a lot about mixed relationships—“Introverts and Extroverts in Love” is an overview of some of the things that can crop up in introvert-extrovert relationships. And here are “5 Essential Tips for Introvert-Extrovert Couples" for you, and “The Conversation Introvert-Extrovert Couples Need to Have.” And if you have questions about the relationship you’re in as it relates to your introversion, here are some “Romance Red Flags” to consider.
Different, not better
I don’t blame introverts for being cranky; many of us have heard for most of our lives that extroversion is better. It even, allegedly, means we’re happier. (I debate that point in “Is Our Definition of Happiness Extrovert Centric?”) ) We have been historically misunderstood by people who just don’t see things our way, but I give them a glimpse in “Seeing Life Through Introvert Eyes.” Nevertheless, I am no more a fan of introverts claiming superiority than I am of extroverts doing so, which is one reason I consulted my Board of Extroverts to write “Why Are Extroverts So Needy?” Yes, it can be incredibly annoying to have extroverts try to drag us onto the dance floor, literally or metaphorically, but we don’t really own the high ground—here are “5 Ways Introverts Can Be Annoying.” In fact, we’re not even always good to ourselves, as I explore in “Mistakes Introverts Make.” So in the interest of hands across the water, here are “7 Things Extroverts Should Know About Introverts (and Vice-Versa).”
You have your say
And finally, I loved hearing from introverts in the wild who had advice for being the best introvert you can be in “Wise Words From Fellow Introverts.”
Thanks, everyone who has joined me in the corner all these years. There's lots more to explore in the archives of the blog. It’s been swell talking to you and learning from you. Go forth and live your best introvert life. Quietly.
When I started the blog, few people were writing about introversion; even Susan Cain’s blockbuster book Quiet was years away, as was my book The Introvert's Way. Today scores of professional introverts are out there expounding on our quiet nature. The introvert-positive movement has matured.
In truth, I’m not sure I have anything new to say about introversion at this point, so I decided it’s time to wind things in the Introverts’ Corner. While the blog will remain up and I may add to it from time to time, I will be starting a new blog on Psychology Today exploring the most cataclysmic event of my life: being widowed.
Before the shut the blog down, I decided to revisit some of the most popular posts of the past dozen years, a sort of primer on life in the Introverts’ Corner.
What is introversion?
Many of us find that we must still explain to people that introversion is not the same as shyness—you can be shy and not an introvert and you can be an introvert and not shy. Understanding this difference is important as I discussed with researcher Jonathan Cheek in "All Introversion Is Not the Same" and with Louis A. Schmidt in “Introversion vs. Shyness: The Discussion Continues." Introversion is also not the same thing as social anxiety, although I theorize that introverts may develop social anxiety because we so often go into social situations believing that we must behave in a way counter to our nature. So I interviewed psychologist Ellen Hendriksen for “Four Strategies to Help Conquer Social Anxiety.”
To people or not to people
Introversion is also not misanthropy. Most of us don’t hate people. In fact, “I Like People, Just Not All of Them All the Time.” I firmly believe that people need people; I certainly do, and in “Why Introverts Don’t Always Want to Be Alone” I wrote about my favorite ways to socialize. Remember: Being introverted in no ways insulates us from loneliness. In a way, it can make us more susceptible, as I discussed in “Introverts and the Loneliness Loop.” Besides, if you sequester yourself from others, you have to ask yourself: “Will People Be There for You When You Need Them?” Of course, meeting new people to make friends isn’t always easy, especially when you prefer not to leave the house, so I polled readers for ideas in “Survey Says: How to Meet New People.”
Then there are parties…
A lot of introverts would be perfectly happy to never attend another party in their lives. And that’s fine. Parties are supposed to be fun and for that reason, they are entirely optional. (Although my friendship philosophy includes the credo “Friends attend friends’ parties.”) I don’t mind parties within reason, but I like them more when I hew to these “Party Survival Tactics for Introverts.” And while yes, a drink or two can help me loosen up for a party, introverts can be at risk for overindulging in order to party the way society claims we should. I consulted two experts for “Introverts and Parties: Just Add Alcohol?”
When you need to not people
You don’t actually owe anyone an explanation of your introvert needs, but sometimes it can help smooth the way when you need quiet time. I have suggestions in “What to Say When You Need Some Alone Time.” And it can’t hurt to let them know how not-fun you will be if you don’t get the downtime you need; send them “When Introverts Get Overextended."
Staying in touch
Realizing that loathing the telephone is not the moral failing some would imply and that many introverts share the horror is one of the most satisfying epiphanies for people learning about their own introversion. (I know it was for me.) It seems the rest of the world is coming around to our way of thinking—research finds that these days, phones are mostly used for everything but making phone calls. “Don’t Call Us, We’ll Call You…Well, No, Actually We Won’t” has been one of the most popular posts on this blog. How better to stay in touch? I used to be very email-y, but these days, I’m all about texting and explain why in "In Defense of Texting." And the disclaimer: I prefer face-to-face to any of these other forms of communication.
Speaking of relationships
I’ve written a lot about mixed relationships—“Introverts and Extroverts in Love” is an overview of some of the things that can crop up in introvert-extrovert relationships. And here are “5 Essential Tips for Introvert-Extrovert Couples" for you, and “The Conversation Introvert-Extrovert Couples Need to Have.” And if you have questions about the relationship you’re in as it relates to your introversion, here are some “Romance Red Flags” to consider.
Different, not better
I don’t blame introverts for being cranky; many of us have heard for most of our lives that extroversion is better. It even, allegedly, means we’re happier. (I debate that point in “Is Our Definition of Happiness Extrovert Centric?”) ) We have been historically misunderstood by people who just don’t see things our way, but I give them a glimpse in “Seeing Life Through Introvert Eyes.” Nevertheless, I am no more a fan of introverts claiming superiority than I am of extroverts doing so, which is one reason I consulted my Board of Extroverts to write “Why Are Extroverts So Needy?” Yes, it can be incredibly annoying to have extroverts try to drag us onto the dance floor, literally or metaphorically, but we don’t really own the high ground—here are “5 Ways Introverts Can Be Annoying.” In fact, we’re not even always good to ourselves, as I explore in “Mistakes Introverts Make.” So in the interest of hands across the water, here are “7 Things Extroverts Should Know About Introverts (and Vice-Versa).”
You have your say
And finally, I loved hearing from introverts in the wild who had advice for being the best introvert you can be in “Wise Words From Fellow Introverts.”
Thanks, everyone who has joined me in the corner all these years. There's lots more to explore in the archives of the blog. It’s been swell talking to you and learning from you. Go forth and live your best introvert life. Quietly.